Yesterday I went out riding in my car for awhile to take a break from an especially chaotic day. My intention was to bird watch for a few minutes in my favorite place. I rarely meet other cars on this back road, but as I drove toward my destination, a car pulled in behind me, uncomfortably close to my back bumper. My purpose — to relax — was obviously in conflict with his purpose — to get somewhere fast – at least, faster than I was going. I spent a few moments feeling anxiety before I came to my senses and pulled over so he could pass me.
I wondered what was going on with this man, and started thinking about “pushy” people in general. As a counselor, I know that when someone pushes you to hurry, it says very little about you; instead it says a lot about the other person. Specifically that he or she is feeling agitated with excitement or anxiety.
In my daily practice, I deal with two categories of people who are pushy from anxiety. My clients are in the first category – they get pushy when they’re worried about their beloved animal companions. In the second category are doctors who get pushy when their recommendations are questioned. Why do doctors get pushy about that? It’s easy to judge and say doctors have a power issue or need to be right. But having walked 10 miles in the shoes of a conventional vet, I can think of 3 reasons that would make me feel pushy from anxiety or excitement.
1. I was busy, and anyone who questioned me was sure to set me behind in my tightly-packed schedule, making my other clients wait and my receptionist glare at me… and boy could she glare.
2. excitement! When I DID have a treatment to offer that I thought could really help an animal, I wanted to start helping fast.
But the third reason ties in with what I wrote about last month:
3. I was continually scrambling to keep up with the latest medical research and that made me anxious. The well-being of animals in my care is very important to me, and I wanted to always do “the right thing”.
I remember one excruciatingly embarrassing time when a client brought in a popular cat magazine with new information about FIV, or Feline “Aids”. I admitted with glowing red cheeks that I didn’t know about it and thanked her for bringing it to my attention. How had I missed something so important?
I soon found out. My medical journals came in on schedule the next week, complete with the new research findings. The lengthy “peer review” process of medical journals was responsible for the delay. The lay magazine had a different review process that allowed it to publish the “scoop” more quickly.
In my last ezine, I suggested that “facts”, especially medical facts, have gotten very unreliable lately. It appears I’m not the only one who’s noticed that. In a kind of creepy coincidence, today a colleague forwarded me a link to an online Newsweek article from January 24th entitled Why Almost Everything You Hear About Medicine is Wrong.
Yikes! Here we are as doctors, trying hard to help people and “do the right thing”, and the right thing just won’t stay the right thing from one day to the next. In fact, this article says that “almost everything is wrong”! You can understand that articles like that can make a doctor very, very nervous, and as we’ve said before, that can mean very, very pushy. But important medical decisions shouldn’t be made in a hurry and it’s up to each of us to find a way to “pull over” when we feel pressured to make a quick decision.
I’ll leave you with an anxiety-reducing tool I learned from my smart friend Carole. She still uses it on me when I get pushy with her. And it surprises me how well it works. After all, she’s the one who taught it to me.
When someone is giving you advice and you start to feel pressured , say
“You might be right. Let me think about it”
Try it and you’ll be amazed at how quickly it diffuses the tension and opens the conversation up for meaningful dialogue.
SUPPLEMENT RECOMMENDATIONS
Several of you have said I should start including recommendations for specific supplements in this magazine and on my website.
You might be right. I’ll definitely think about that.